Nuts!

I know where all the extra nuts that I've been eating to increase my protein are being stored-in our little babes cheeks! We had another ultrasound today to check amniotic fluid and boy are those cheeks big!!

Our NST revealed more wacky heart rates and those scary decels dropping into the 80s. Now with the amniotic fluid being back up where it should be the doc is unsure what is causing it, which causes concern. She talked about induction today, which I really don't want to have to do, but of course, would do if we need it to happen. She fears that would end in a c-section anyway, so maybe we just cut to the chase-I don't know. She wants me back every other day for monitoring, so I'll go back Friday and hopefully things will look better. I hate to worry. I hate to be hyper sensitive about every movement I feel, or don't. Luckily the jumping bean stays active and does give me constant reassurance. She said if I feel ANY decreased movement to come in ASAP. She doesn't want me hanging out at home too long if labor does start, either. She's worried about whether the baby will have a hard time recovering from the contractions. The ultrasound also reveled the umbilical cord wrapped around the neck, which I know happens and can be just fine, but darn it, it's one more thing to worry about. Well, back to one day at a time. Only 13 of them left until my due date anyway. I can't wait to meet this little one. Baby has dropped and is at -2 station, so at least we are moving in the right direction.

We had a 4 days off from work and really relaxed into a long weekend. Something we haven't done for awhile and know we won't have the luxury to do for a long time coming. I actually napped twice. Dreamy. S has really stepped up and been so much help at home, too. I feel so fortunate and lucky to have his much needed support right now. His love and humor are carrying me through these last weeks. I have felt so much better this week, too. Maybe it was the quiet long nap-filled weekend, but I have much more energy this week, and feel less emotional, well, except when I think about what happened the last few hours 2008...

We had a very nice and relaxing New Year's (with one glitch). S and I went out to dinner and just took it easy. We had wanted to see a movie too, but our dinner lingered, which was very enjoyable, and I became too tired. When we came home after dinner I checked the answering machine and there was a message from S's dad. I tried to rewind and cue it up so that he could listen to it, but in doing so I was pushing the wrong button. I thought I was hitting the skip button, but after hitting the delete button 6 times I realzied what I was doing and what I had just deleted-the last phone messages I had saved from my father, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to get them back. His voice calling to check up on me and telling me he loved me-vanished, gone, forever. I was dumbfounded. Eventually I did break down and cried. Hard. For a really long time. I can't even write this without getting all choked up again. I had wanted to write a long post just about this but everytime I tried to start it, I would lose it. I just couldn't get it out, but I needed to mention it. There have been many times when I've just needed to hear him and I've played those messages, yes, it's gut wrenching to do it, but sometimes I feel like I'm forgetting his voice and I don't want to. EH! It's too hard to talk about. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. And I can't believe he won't get to meet my baby.



On a more upbeat note, I have a photo of myself from last week. I need to take a new one as I keep growing, but thought it would be fun to share. I still don't believe this is possible.