This is a lonely journey full of both great hope and devastating disappointment. And lots of comments from people who can't even imagine the severity of their words. Dumb asses. I'll leave it at that today.
Yesterday was a particularly low day. I didn't sleep much the night before as I was up with my endo pain. I cried a lot through the night and felt tired and moody when it was time for work in the morning. I did NOT want to go back to the clinic and redo this treatment. I was hoping for some respite, looking forward to preparing for the next big hairy ordeal (IVF) I will put my body through. I was getting used to keeping my eyes open for more than six hours a day. I am reluctant to become a zombie for the next 3 weeks, but here we go.
We've decided to try another round of injectables while we wait for IVF (March 10). The doctor thought I responded well to the meds last month and that, even if a cyst would present, there would be sufficient time for it to resolve itself before we would start the IVF preparations. So, I dragged myself to the hospital yesterday for an ultrasound and they gave us the green light to try again, no cyst there to stop us. I was secretly hoping for a tire screeching sized cyst. No luck.
Honestly, my belief is that my endo is causing all of our problems with fertilization either by killing the sperm in my fallopian tubes or hindering the ability for the egg to even reach the uterus at all. So, with that theory dancing around in my head, it feels pointless to even try this. This time around I am doing it for Sean. I think he believes it could work, and I want to continue to let him hope. My money is on the IVF procedure, if we have a shot at all.
We commenced the shots last night. I'm not going to waste any hope on this cycle. I fear the well may run dry.
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