Today we were back at the hospital. An ultrasound for me, a uterine "sounding" that went amuck, a semen sample to freeze, and injection training. We were also supposed to pick up our drugs, our voluminous drugs, but we need to wait until Friday to pick those up, what with needing $2 grand to pay for them.
I thought I would feel excited to finally be here at this moment, but honestly, I'm not one bit. I finally feel like myself again. I can fit into my regular fat pants, not my oh my god I've gained 20 pounds overnight and even though I'm not close to being pregnant yet I look like I'm at least 5 months fat pants. It's all perspective.
Today I learned that the resident doc can't thread my cervix with a catheter, so now I have to go back again, and have my cervix shot with drugs, dilated, and have some kind of perma ring inserted for a few weeks so they can have an easy go of it come transfer, if we even get there. Fabulous.
I'm wishing Sean were more supportive right now. I'm tired of his crap attitude. You know the one, girls, I'm sure you've all experienced from at least one male in your life. The attitude that what ever "girl thing" you've got going on is not that big of a deal. Well, you know what. It is a big deal. And you're an ass for not seeing it that way. You're an ass for not being more compassionate. You're an ass for not being there for me emotionally as I try to conceive a child for us. You're an ass for making me go this alone. So, get over it if I'm a little quiet, because I sure as hell am not going to share whatever fears or pain or discomfort with your drug-free, hormonal free, needles safe tummy, leg, and ass, Ass. Don't ask, not that you DO!, because I'm not sharing anymore.
I'm going to enjoy these last 6 days before the whirlwind begins.
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